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| Today, as usual, is a sad day for me.
I always think about David, because this is the time when I was away at some school function 3 years ago, as David was dying...
Now, this realization doesn't have quite the sting it has had in earlier years. I realize now that I didn't know he was in the hospital; that I couldn't have known, all I knew was that he hadn't been online in a week (which was a long time for him, as he was online mostly every day). No one had called me, and at that time (and still) I couldn't call him.
This day was bad enough, but really I haven't been a big fan of this week. My retest on the LSAT is on Saturday. Unfortunately, it seems unlikely that I will be getting an extremely high score like I really wanted, but hopefully like 10-15 points more would be great. But the problem is I can't study because I have two papers due, one by 10:20 and one by 4. I had a test earlier this week, which meant I spent most of my time not doing those papers, but actually studying for the test. PLUS, I had a presentation this week in the same class in which one of my papers is due, WHICH involves a short paper attached to it. AND I still have to get that economics homework done, and practice on the piano (which now involves practicing for senior recital, practicing for jazz ensemble, and practicing for gospel choir, and eventually accompaniment work), and do my reading. AND I have to do all this stuff to apply to law school, because unfortunately, things aren't going as planned there.
As you can probably guess, my head feels like it is about to explode.
And the funny thing is:
I'm only 5 weeks in.
Yeah.
Anyway, when I finally finish all that I have to do this week, maybe I can finally get to finishing the book I've started. I am now reading "A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man" and "Dubliners" by James Joyce. So far, this is my favorite book by Joyce, because I can actually make sense of the story, for the most part. Plus it's actually written in sentences that are easy to understand. A lot of people know that I tend to have a love-hate relationship with James Joyce, particularly a lot of the hate when it comes to Finnegans Wake and Ulysses. But I don't think this book is quite so bad-- Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that this was written early in his career, before his daughter had gone crazy.
Anyway, I guess I better get to these papers. Hopefully I get all I have to get done tonight.
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| Life has been pretty okay for me lately.
I've been spending almost every day with Royce, and we...are incredibly bored. Seriously, there's only so much you can do in Dayton before you just don't want to do it anymore. Going out to eat and watching movies just isn't doing it for us anymore. We end up sitting in my house watching court shows. Now that my brother's home to stay, we're both bored and uncomfortable. My brother really puts a damper on some of the romance, particularly when he decides to bomb the couch for roaches.
Royce is interviewing for this new job, so I hope it goes through for him. He really wants to start working in the field he actually LIKES, so this will be a good opportunity for him to do that.
I set my senior recital date for April 17th, 2010. It is gonna be loads of fun, but I have to prepare for it. I picked out two final pieces for the recital, and they are HARD! I already know it. I am going to have to meet with my teacher during the summer, and my former piano teacher as well. I really want to do well though, so you have to do what you have to do.
I probably have more that's happened, but nothing is jumping to mind right now, so that's it for now. Peace!
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| Sooo, I am putting myself at the mercy of Wittenberg's housing system again. I had asked my good friend Tasha if she wanted to live with me next year, since my two roommates are graduating and I needed to fill up my house if I was going to renew. She said it was okay, so I had to find just one more. Well, it turns out, I can't find just one more, but I can find two more (who do not want to be separated), so instead of moving into the three bedroom apartment that I was going to renew, we are all moving into a four-bedroom apartment...or at least I hope we are, depending on my number and the availability.
Also, I am really trying to crack down on my schoolwork, but it really isn't working. I'm doing so many different things. I'm studying for the LSAT so I can take it in June, I'm trying to finish my quest of literature, I'm trying to graduate with University Honors in both of my majors (which I still have a fighting chance to do), plus I am running a gospel choir, and working on music for my senior recital. If that's not enough, I am looking for internships in law offices for the summer. Juggling all that and a boyfriend (whom I spend a little time with everyday) makes me a very very busy woman.
I recently celebrated my 21st birthday. No drinking was involved, except of sparkling grape juice (yes, I'm a lamer, sue me), but I am still awaiting my keyboard that my father promised he'd buy me for Christmas.
I am currently reading "The Sound and the Fury" by William Faulkner. So far, not incredibly bad. But I'm not too hasty.
That is all. | | |
| I really am not sure how I am feeling at the moment.
It's really weird. Like I don't know if I'm pissed off, if I'm happy, if I feel like slapping somebody today. My feelings are always the one thing I'm sure about, even if they are mixed feelings. I wish that it was a little more clear to me what I'm feeling.
I think I have this general feeling of malaise. Like I don't feel like doing the mundane everyday tasks that I want to do. I don't feel like keeping on my hair-washing schedule today, I don't feel like going to Jazz Ensemble later on today. I feel nauseated at the idea of reading my next book (To The Lighthouse), and I really don't feel like studying for the LSATs, or researching the top law schools. I don't want to practice the piano. I don't want to talk to anybody. The only thing I want to do right now, it seems, is to write about how much I don't want to do anything. And see, the thing is, I asked myself if I just wanted to be lazy...and that thought nauseated me more than anything.
And nothing is particularly wrong with me, like medically or anything. I just can't think of anything I want to do.
I guess I'll force myself to read my book. Sorry I don't have anything cool to say.
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| So I'm done with Tom Jones. 804 pages of rich humor and absolutely brilliant wit. Totally worth the read, and would recommend it to anyone who loves wit. Now I'm reading Faulkner's Absalom, Absalom. I already have an opinion on the book so far, but I will wait until I finish to see if it changes at all.
I am home for Christmas break, and spending a lot of time with Royce which makes me a very happy girlfriend.
My teacher is letting me do the Beethoven sonata that I wanted to do! So for my senior recital I will be doing the Waldstein sonata. It's bittersweet, though, because I have to start practicing now if I even want to hope to have it down by my senior recital. And that's not all I will have to work on either. I am also doing Allegro Barbaro by Bela Bartok, which is (according to my teacher) not as hard as it sounds, but (according to me) sounds hard and is hard.
Still feeling like I'm behind in my life. Everyone else my age, it seems like, is getting married, having children, even getting divorced. I don't envy the divorced people obviously, but still I kinda envy the marriage and children. Especially because I've wanted that almost more than I've wanted to go to school. I mean, Royce and I have talked about marriage and children, and we both agree that it's in our future, but it doesn't look like it's coming anytime soon. I'm trying to be patient, but I kinda feel like I'm in the same spot I was 5 years ago. Still living with my mom and dad, still having a curfew whenever I come home, still having to tell my parents where I'm going and when I'll be back. I don't feel like a 20-year-old. And the weird thing is, I try to project how my life is going to be in 5 years, and I'm not sure I'm married yet even then. I'll be out of law school, and starting my career, but I did want to have a child by then, and that means (at least for me it does) that I want to be married by then too.
Seriously, I look around me at my family. My mother and father didn't get married to each other until they were 30 (my dad had been married before), and I'm like, "NOOOO!" because sometimes I think that's what my mom expects me to do: wait until I'm 30. My brothers aren't married, and one of them is considering it and he's 35, and the other one is 27 and lives at home with my parents. I don't want that for myself. I want my life to go on like normal. Yes, I want to be successful in a career, but I also want to start a family, the kind I want. 4 kids spaced out, not crammed in because my biological clock will wind down.
Sorry, this has gone on longer than I anticipated. I'm gonna go back to reading or...practicing the piano...or whatever. | | |
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